February 1st, 2016
Dear Father,
You are a Bastard. You left this world with people who could have used you still upon it. My brother and I were split up and didn't have the benefit of each other's company. I understand that maybe you weren't ready to be a father, you were still so young. You wanted to pursue your dreams, stay out all night, drink and smoke and get stoned, write music, travel the world, but here we were. Anchors, your own Fetters, but unlike the Buddha, you did not spread consciousness and reason you instead lied down one night and never woke.
Because of this, neither my brother nor I ever had the experience of having a father that looked at us with care in his eyes and the thought of his own efforts on this earth having an effect on us. We are a little lost in this careless world. My brother is depressed and searching for something he will never find. I don't have inspiration and spend much of my time looking for something to fulfill me.
Your son,
Jason
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monday, July 7, 2014
July 7th, 2014
Dear Father,
Yesterday I saw my brother, neice, nephew, and grand nephew. You would be proud of your son. Kieth has given up quite a lot to be near his children. He has put up with living conditions that he should not have, he has put up with jobs he should not have, all because he realized that he did not want to deprive his children of their father. He and I grew up without our father and I guess that he did not want the same thing to happen to his children.
He has done a great job. His children are delightful, pleasant, happy and smart. But that isn't surprising considering their father. Kieth has always been someone that no matter what is going on when I see him I feel calmer, more steadied and a little more like I'm at home.
I got to see my son make my grand nephew laugh. The reward for that made up for the less than stellar show that Lisa and I had just completed. It is only when Kieth and I are in the same place that you seem to exist again. Kieth and I together make you more real.
Your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
Yesterday I saw my brother, neice, nephew, and grand nephew. You would be proud of your son. Kieth has given up quite a lot to be near his children. He has put up with living conditions that he should not have, he has put up with jobs he should not have, all because he realized that he did not want to deprive his children of their father. He and I grew up without our father and I guess that he did not want the same thing to happen to his children.
He has done a great job. His children are delightful, pleasant, happy and smart. But that isn't surprising considering their father. Kieth has always been someone that no matter what is going on when I see him I feel calmer, more steadied and a little more like I'm at home.
I got to see my son make my grand nephew laugh. The reward for that made up for the less than stellar show that Lisa and I had just completed. It is only when Kieth and I are in the same place that you seem to exist again. Kieth and I together make you more real.
Your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
June 24th, 2014
Dear Father,
Yesterday in a moment I lost a dog. I wasn't paying attention and she tumbled, jumped or fell out of the window of my car. Her injuries were severe and she wasn't likely to make it through the care without considerable pain and possible death through sepsis.
This was Rosie, a trouble maker, who loved to get into things. Continually hunting, you couldn't leave her in a room by herself or she would get into something. I got into the habit of taking her with me when I left the house because otherwise she would spend too much time in her kennel to keep her out of trouble.
She would stand at the door and wait to go with me if she saw my keys. She always had to see out so was usually standing on something and often would slide off if I had to hit my brakes suddenly but she had avoided being hurt.
I almost left her at home yesterday. If I had, a walk into the living room right now would result in me finding her lying on the couch which was her habit after her morning check for food. But I didn't I took her with me, and after a fateful turn off the main road onto a side road I found she wasn't in the car with me.
The vet was friendly and kind and she looked so funny in her bandages when Isabella and I went down to say goodbye. I looked into her eyes and told her she was a good dog as the light went out and she went to sleep one last time.
I said goodbye yesterday to someone I loved. Maybe today you could say hello.
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
Yesterday in a moment I lost a dog. I wasn't paying attention and she tumbled, jumped or fell out of the window of my car. Her injuries were severe and she wasn't likely to make it through the care without considerable pain and possible death through sepsis.
This was Rosie, a trouble maker, who loved to get into things. Continually hunting, you couldn't leave her in a room by herself or she would get into something. I got into the habit of taking her with me when I left the house because otherwise she would spend too much time in her kennel to keep her out of trouble.
She would stand at the door and wait to go with me if she saw my keys. She always had to see out so was usually standing on something and often would slide off if I had to hit my brakes suddenly but she had avoided being hurt.
I almost left her at home yesterday. If I had, a walk into the living room right now would result in me finding her lying on the couch which was her habit after her morning check for food. But I didn't I took her with me, and after a fateful turn off the main road onto a side road I found she wasn't in the car with me.
The vet was friendly and kind and she looked so funny in her bandages when Isabella and I went down to say goodbye. I looked into her eyes and told her she was a good dog as the light went out and she went to sleep one last time.
I said goodbye yesterday to someone I loved. Maybe today you could say hello.
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Sunday, June 22, 2014
June 15, 2014
Dear Father,
Happy Father's Day. You have missed so many, gone for all these years. You must have enjoyed that first one, in 1965, when you held Keith and felt the joy and bond of fatherhood for the first time. A year later you were a dad twice, but by 1968 you were no more. Sleep had taken you and robbed you of the last 46 Father's Days.
Sometimes Father's Day feels special, and sometimes it just reminds me of the loss I suffered at such a young age. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting my own children down by not doing more, not being more successful, not giving them everything they want and need.
You left us before I could ever draw you a card, or like my son has done for the last three Father's Days turn you into a super hero. In my son's drawings, my super alter ego is one that fights with a spatula and a chef's hat shield. "On a mission to save people from bad food everywhere!" You know, food is an important part of who I am, my son gets that. Music is what kept you going. Keith and I get that.
love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
Happy Father's Day. You have missed so many, gone for all these years. You must have enjoyed that first one, in 1965, when you held Keith and felt the joy and bond of fatherhood for the first time. A year later you were a dad twice, but by 1968 you were no more. Sleep had taken you and robbed you of the last 46 Father's Days.
Sometimes Father's Day feels special, and sometimes it just reminds me of the loss I suffered at such a young age. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting my own children down by not doing more, not being more successful, not giving them everything they want and need.
You left us before I could ever draw you a card, or like my son has done for the last three Father's Days turn you into a super hero. In my son's drawings, my super alter ego is one that fights with a spatula and a chef's hat shield. "On a mission to save people from bad food everywhere!" You know, food is an important part of who I am, my son gets that. Music is what kept you going. Keith and I get that.
love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Friday, May 30, 2014
May 30th, 2014
Dear Father,
Who were you? Keith and I are grown now. I a father, Keith a father and grandfather we both missed getting to know our father. No one was really there to train us, the men in our lives more resenting our presence while playing the temporary role of father, not their fault, they were simply there too late.
Who were you? Keith and I didn't grow up together, didn't end up calling the same person mother, didn't know for a few years of our existence.
Who were you?
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
Who were you? Keith and I are grown now. I a father, Keith a father and grandfather we both missed getting to know our father. No one was really there to train us, the men in our lives more resenting our presence while playing the temporary role of father, not their fault, they were simply there too late.
Who were you? Keith and I didn't grow up together, didn't end up calling the same person mother, didn't know for a few years of our existence.
Who were you?
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
May 27th, 2014
Dear Father,
It gets closer to the day we leave for the summer. A stressful blend of work and fun and driving that earns our way in the world. Lisa is working every moment trying to get enough done for the first few shows of the summer, I am cleaning and doing yard work to get us ready and our house ready.
This is a stressful life full of stomach aches and head aches but I wouldn't want to go back to the grind of a regular job.
Is that how you felt as a musician?
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
It gets closer to the day we leave for the summer. A stressful blend of work and fun and driving that earns our way in the world. Lisa is working every moment trying to get enough done for the first few shows of the summer, I am cleaning and doing yard work to get us ready and our house ready.
This is a stressful life full of stomach aches and head aches but I wouldn't want to go back to the grind of a regular job.
Is that how you felt as a musician?
Love, your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Sunday, May 25, 2014
May 24th, 2014
Dear Father,
Today was a stressful day. Arguments were many and didn't end well. Your granddaughter is going to her prom sad because her boyfriend won't talk to her and won't see her. These children are selfish and their arguments are petty. Maybe they aren't but it seems as though they are to me since I've now been married almost 24 years. What arguments did you guys have? You were young, maybe they were petty as well.
I don't know what to do for my daughter. She seemed so happy a couple of days ago and now she seems so sad. She stakes so much of what she is feeling on the people around her. I think sometimes she doesn't have much of an understanding of who she is.
Well so long for now. I must get on with the process of living, something I wish you had participated more in.
Your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
Dear Father,
Today was a stressful day. Arguments were many and didn't end well. Your granddaughter is going to her prom sad because her boyfriend won't talk to her and won't see her. These children are selfish and their arguments are petty. Maybe they aren't but it seems as though they are to me since I've now been married almost 24 years. What arguments did you guys have? You were young, maybe they were petty as well.
I don't know what to do for my daughter. She seemed so happy a couple of days ago and now she seems so sad. She stakes so much of what she is feeling on the people around her. I think sometimes she doesn't have much of an understanding of who she is.
Well so long for now. I must get on with the process of living, something I wish you had participated more in.
Your son,
Jason Vincent Alexander Murray
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